My Sweet-17-Birthday

Hey, Yesterday was my birthday. 23rd of April 2017, right when i turned into 17.

It didn’t go very well.

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I first woke up from sleep around 6:30 when a junior surprised me shouting “Happy birthday!” . “Oh, today is my birthday, I do not even remember. Haha, anyway, thanks” I said to her.

Around 8 am, I went to Art Room to find the internet connection to chat my  bestfriend, Cyan, after 2 weeks break.

It was fun to talk to him, but, I just felt disturbed because there were several people in that room which made me feel uncomfortable to talk to him .

Around 12:30 I met my father in front of the school, I felt bad because he had waited me for an hour.

After that I went to SMAN 4 Palembang, I planned to meet Aditya, my old crush.

I went there for about like 40 minutes, but unfortunately I did not have a chance to meet him so I just told people that I came today to watch the competition.

I had to wait for about 10 minutes in a very hot weather today because my father had not came yet, so I decided to buy an instant noodle that cost me 4000 rupiahs.

My father came and we went home.

At home, I was expecting my sister would give me something for my birthday, just like she did last year. But she didn’t. I even have call her like “Give me my birthday present” But she didn’t even answer anything. So I gave up, and decided to went to JM around my house.

I spent like an hour and a half there, to eat undelicious-boring-expensive-fried-rice and a sweet ice tea that cost me 23k rupiahs. It was expensive and I wasn’t really satisfied with what I ate either. I spent an hour to walked around and bought some instant noodles and detergent to wash my clothes.

When I come home, I said to my sister again about my birthday, but she seemed not care, I wanted to cry and I guess my second brother understand that, so he gave me 50k rupiahs as a birthday gift. I don’t know how i felt when he gave me the money, he is poor like really poor because he doesn’t have job. But he still cares about me. I didn’t feel like it to accept the money, but if I gave it back to him, I know he would feel bad of himself. So I accepted the money, and I told my self that I helped my brother to decrease his money to buy cigerettes. So basically, I kinda save you my brother.

 

I cried alot, like alot alot today.

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I wanted cable modem for internet connection so bad.

I cried when my first brother rejected my request to ask all my pocket money for the whole May. I shouted to him and my dad that it’s hard for me  for not having a phone. It’s hard for me for not being able to communicate.

I felt very very bad of my self. I didn’t mean to break my dad’s and brother’s heart. But I just couldn’t control it either.

So finally my brother gave me 150k.

But at the end, I didn’t buy the cable modem yet.

I was afraid I will be too rushed and bought the wrong cable modem. I didn’t want to regret a thing, so I decided to waited till this Wednesday.

I also regretted that I got angry with my dad on our way to school. I was going to use my electric money, so i went to  indomaret, but the worker said it was mulfunctioning, and then i went to JM, they said we couldn’t use that card. I wanted to go to indomaret around my school, but my dad said it is too far already, and he said I need to save money from now on.I got angry about that and also the phone thing. I yelled at him that it was hard, like really hard without a phone to communicate with brother if I want a thing or need dad to pick me up from school. Moreover all students are taking holiday which means I got no phone to borrow. I regretted it. I do not want to make a burden in his heart, really.

I mean, I wish he could be the good father like people said as “My big hero” but, he’s not. I need to accept that, and I love him.

I went to dorm, I was mad, I cried alot and alot.

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And I decided to write.

I felt much better.
I am sorry dad, brother.

I love you, but please, I need you as the whole family, because I am feeling very lonely.

Now I have become 17.

I am not a kid anymore, believe it or not.

And this is my first journey of my 17-years-old-life.

I hope it turns out right.

This is just the prequel to my journey right?:)

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Hey, Happy birthday.

I hope you can let me love you this year and then.

Let’s be a really really goodfriend and spend some days filled with cheers and laugh.

I will be with you when you’re sad and happy.

You need to be strong okay?

Goodnight beautiful.

 

Sincerely,

 

My-17-years-old-self

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