It’s really hard as it sounds. Yes,it is.

Especially when that guy is the only guy you could talk to.
To begin with, I must tell you that I am an antisocial person, and I only have 2 friends in my whole life.
All of ’em are guys.
And all of them are online friends.
One friend is same-aged as me and, coming from the same city as me, but different school.
Another one is coming from different countries and, 2 years older than me.
I started to become friend with the first guy from an application called “Line”.
Well, I first saw him in student exchange selections during interview tests. I didn’t know why he’s the only guy I was attracted to look at because, you know, there were a lot of cooler guys out there. But the reason might be because I have always been attracted to a guy who’s acting differently from his group. (I’ll tell you about him much more in my next posts.)

And I have another online friend coming from the United States (the one I’m giving space with). He’s currently taking a qualification in one of the prestigious University in his states. We knew each other from an international penpal website. I’ve actually chatted some people before I finally met him from this penpal website. But all of them didn’t work well with me. And it made him the only one who stay till today as a friend. And so, he means a lot to me.

We’ve been friends for like 3 months now. It’s quite new, but because we chat almost like everyday (haha I know it sounds boring for you guys but we do it actually) it feels like we’ve become friends like 2 years.
We usually do like video calls and chat like usual. We have ever played an online game together once, and it was fun.

This month is a busy month, for me and for him.
We have to deal with the final term, projects, and other school stuff which are really tiring.
And these days he’s really busy with it. He’s smart, he’s really smart, and he’s expecting good grades of this coming tests.



Back to the title, giving him some spaces.
I need to give him space now.
The fact is that he needs time to be alone and study.
He really needs to serious with his studying, or else, he wouldn’t be able to reach what he wants to achieve.
But I found some problem here because lately we’ve argued about things and ended up getting angry at each other.
So lately I’ve been thinking whether he needs space or he’s just avoiding me because I was being too clingy or emotional.
But it probably just me thinking too negative about things.
He’s busy. That’s the thing that I need to understand.
I mean, well, he’s always been busy and still had time to talk.
But this time he’s MEGA ULTRA SUPER BUSY with his school, and I need to understand that he has a life out there which looks really fun rather than wasting time to text me.
I’m just being rational, you know, like, who would spend so much time talking to an online friend who doesn’t have a balanced life at school? (yes, it’s me. But it just temporarily, believe me.)
Sometimes I couldn’t help to think bad of myself, underestimating myself again and again.
And for me, giving a guy space is really hard, especially he is the one you talk the most.
Perhaps I need to change. If I don’t want to loose them.
I’m gonna regret anything if I finally lose this guy.
I have lost a lot of online friends. I had always been looking for somebody online to called a true friend. I never found one of them, all of them were gone.
And He’s the only hope that I have left. If he finally leaves, like other people before him that came into my life, I’m not gonna trust anybody. Never.

But I believe that he won’t leave.
I could feel that he meant to be my friend.
And I believe that it should take thousands of failure before you found the real treasure.
I want to be hopeful that this guy is meant to be my true friend after all the fakeness I’ve felt for 5 years.
I want to believe that someday we will meet and spend time together.
I just feel like to write something on my blog, and this is my very first writing ever. I am bad at writing, I am sorry.
And because I am an English Foreign Learner, which I’m still minor and need the bunch of improvements in English, I’m so sorry.
Anyway, if you’re the person who loves video calling, then perhaps we should try to talk! I love video calls very much and it’d be very great to find someone to do that! If you’re a female,I don’t mind to talk with any ages, but if you’re a male, I don’t think I would be comfortable if you’re much older than me (I’m sorry) but I could accept you if you’re younger than me or you’re not older than 21 years old. (I’m 16)


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